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Point of View/Yoshiaki Shinoda/In English essays, good English is only the start

07/18/2006

Special to The Asahi Shimbun

I am delighted that I had the chance to evaluate 400 essays submitted by students from 70 Japanese and 30 foreign colleges and universities to the International Herald Tribune/The Asahi Shimbun English essay contest.

The aim of this contest was to improve English writing ability, because of the growing importance of information and communication techniques.

Let's talk about how our judges evaluated these essays. Two points were essential: originality and organization.

Almost all essays showed great originality. They were unique and persuasive because they were written about marvelous experiences.

Unfortunately, however, many of the essays had important organizational problems.

A third ingredient--appropriate language--was less of a factor because in most cases the judges were satisfied with the writers' English.

I believe most candidates wrote their essays not from the writer's point of view, but from the reader's point of view. Although few people want to read English contest essays, the writers badly wanted to have their essays read. This attitude helped them communicate their ideas effectively and efficiently.

The writer must consider the standard format for the effective essay: summary (or introduction), text (or body) and conclusion.

Short essays under 1,000 words usually do not summarize their main points. Instead, writers often state a clear purpose in the introduction. An essay can have no structure unless it has such a thesis given in the opening summary.

This purpose statement provides the organizational context necessary for the reader to understand the summary of important information that follows. Sometimes, though, the writer needs to first provide some necessary background to help the reader understand the essay. Then the writer is ready to write the thesis and suggest the significance of the ideas that will be expressed in the main body text.

In that body, the writer has to consider three important principles: unity, organization and coherence.

The first principle, unity, means sticking to one idea.

Every topic and subtopic in the paragraph should be related to the theme. The writer should exclude irrelevant details and present ideas in logical order.

The second principle, organization, means presenting details in a logical sequence so that each paragraph moves from the general to the specific.

The paragraph is the major building block. Yet in their paragraphs, more than two-thirds of the essays were not careful to focus on one major idea, develop the topic, achieve a natural flow or provide adequate details. Most students constructed short English sentences very well, but did not logically develop paragraphs. They should be taught how important it is.

One of the traditional formulas for logical organization in Japan is ki, shoh, ten, ketsu, which means "introduction," "development," "turn," and "conclusion." The major contrast between Japanese and English writing expectations is the third element, ten or "turn," which involves developing a minor point in a manner that would be considered off-message in English. To write clear, systematic, attractive essays in English, the writer should follow the one-topic-in-one-paragraph rule.

The third principle, coherence, means tying together the various ideas and topics.

An essay provides the reader with a basic sense of direction. One way to achieve this is to repeat key elements in similar or slightly altered ways from paragraph to paragraph. Restating important words, phrases or well-known synonyms, coupled with parallel grammatical structures, can all help to cohere the essay's points.

Other road signs for the reader are the transitional words that indicate different relationships among thoughts. Transitional words and phrases alone, however, cannot make up for the absence of a clear thesis and direction.

The last element needed for a good essay is a persuasive conclusion. It should impress and with luck persuade the reader, and conclude with a final statement that is emphatic and clearly related to the central idea.

The ability to write effectively benefits both the writer and the reader. Write it right, and apply to the next contest.

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The author is professor emeritus of Business and Technical Communication in English at Waseda University. (IHT/Asahi: July 18,2006)

 
URL: asahi.com > ENGLISH > Opinion, Editorial





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